She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Randomize
