Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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