Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
