i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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