You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
