...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
