I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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