but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
