I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
