Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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