just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
