Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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