Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
