why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
