Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
