You're a womanizer and a bitch.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
