i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
And then he peed in my hair
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