Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she looked like the before picture.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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