I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
