i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
