Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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