Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
zippers are such a cool invention
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
