wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
accomplished twins. life is a go
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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