end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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