So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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