I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
