I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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