Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
