if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
