The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
