i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
