the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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