I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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