Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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