help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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