he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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