Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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