Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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