And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
