So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
