If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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