I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
