White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
