cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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