I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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