He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This toilet bowl is my home.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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