I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
