Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
