Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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