even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
