Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
