i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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